just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
