oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
