I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
