i don't plan on having that self control this summer
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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