I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
