I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
you never un-have a 4some
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
