I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
