I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
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I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
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The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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