im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
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He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
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I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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