Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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