I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
