Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
He felt like a one man threesome
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
