She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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