you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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