Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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