Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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