Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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