if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
