the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
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