HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
