I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
