She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
