It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
