i need an iv and a liver transplant
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
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