I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Sorry about my life...
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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