I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
