What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Randomize
