The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
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