Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Randomize
