Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
