i was born a porn star she said
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Randomize
