he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
the room spins SO much faster in panama
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
