I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
