He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
This house was built for laser tag.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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