he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize