dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
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