he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
