Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
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