i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
