I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
