I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
