I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Randomize
