First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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