I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Randomize
