Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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