in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
