i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
