My friends, they love my intelligence
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
