just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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