So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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