Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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