Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
