I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Randomize
