So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
my mouth tastes like poor choices
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
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