STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Randomize
