when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
