yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
