i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
