idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
