It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
