I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Randomize
