I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Randomize