he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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