We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
