New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
