Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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