Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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