i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
