i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
