I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
