Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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